Being with Discomfort

As I sit here writing this, I feel awful.  

Like 100 million other Americans, I deal with chronic pain.  And some days, it really sucks.  Chronic pain and other chronic conditions change you.  Pain is exhausting.  Breathing makes you tired.  Things you may have loved no longer interest you because you know they'll just wear you out.  

I've been dealing with chronic pain for almost 10 years.  There's no denying that it can be incredibly challenging.  However, I've learned something important in my time learning to manage chronic pain.  Sometimes, I can't change the level of pain I'm feeling, but I can change my relationship to the pain.  When we feel pain, whether it's physical or emotional, it's natural to also feel a floodgate of other emotions about the situation.  I usually find myself waffling internally between anger at the unfairness of my condition and a sad, helpless feeling.  Now, in addition to the physical pain I have, I'm torturing myself in a mental trap of my own creation!  I'm tossing around between feeling angry and sad.  It's frustrating and none of it is actually helping my pain.  

Now, I'm no stranger to anger.  I think anger can be a perfectly healthy response to injustice.  Anger is a great motivator and protector.  But, when what I need is vulnerability and kindness, anger is not the ally to call upon.  It takes practice and awareness to be able to catch myself in this struggle.  Much of the time, I don't catch it until I've worked myself up inside. But, more and more, I am able to stop when I feel that internal battle begin and ask myself what I really need to feel better.  When I find myself really struggling with pain that I can't ignore, I have made friends with a meditation practice that I invite you to try at home or your office:

Sit yourself as comfortably as possible, or lie down.  Take a few deep breaths.  Allow your limbs to become heavy, like they have weights attached to them.  Let yourself sink in to wherever you are.  

Imagine a deep body of water.  Imagine yourself sinking, gently, to the bottom of the water, so that you can see the waves above you.  Take a deep breath.  Imagine watching the waves flow above you, while your body remains still and calm.  If pain or other thoughts come to your mind, think of them like the waves above you.  The bottom of the ocean stays calm even if there's a hurricane above.  Focus on your breath and keep it as steady as possible.  Feel the weight of your legs and arms and the support of the chair or bed beneath you.  

Eventually, you may find that there is a part of you that feels separate from the pain itself, a part of you that is calm and untouched by what's going on in your body or mind.  Stay in touch with this part for as long as you can.  You may notice pain or other thoughts occasionally, but the quality can change over time.  It may not feel so all-consuming or knock you off center as easily.  Learning to manage pain takes time, patience, and kindness for yourself.  

Learn this and more meditative and pain management techniques with me, in a group or individual therapy session.  I would love to help you.